schlafly brewery tour

Michael and I had to take an unexpected trip to St. Louis a few weeks ago, and while we were there, we took the opportunity to go on the Schlafly Brewery Tour. I've talked so much about St. Louis & Schlafly on this blog that it seemed only right that I go with a nice big group of people (there were 6 of us!) and sample the beers in their Tap Room before our tour started. While are the different brews were tasty, I have to admit that one of the best discoveries was the root beer that Schlafly bottles: Lewis Osterweis & Sons. And do they have a bottle cap?! Of course they do!

I mainly want to talk about the brewery tour, though. As much as I love Schlafly, I hate to say that I was not overly impressed by the tour. First of all, they start you off in a room that seems to be their museum, but there's a video playing in the background on a loop, which makes it VERY difficult to hear the guy (in our case) trying to tell you all about brewing beer. Our brewery guide, whose name I can't remember, was also not the best at enunciating or projecting his voice at any rate. It got even worse once we left the museum area and went into the actual brewery, where there was your typical clanging, whirring, and other loud sounds that breweries make. Unless you were standing right up next to him, it was pretty tough to get a good idea of what we were learning about. Also, our guide kept wanting to quiz us. He didn't quite understand his audience: we weren't experts in the process of brewing beer, yet he kept asking us elaborate questions about ratios of sugar, how head is made and, the best kind of yeast for beer. We clearly didn't know the answers, but instead of just telling us, he just sort of made fun of us and made us feel dumb. It was a bit disconcerting. There were even a few people who claimed to brew their own beer, and when they couldn't answer the questions, he reprimanded them and told them their beer probably wasn't very good!

Schlafly! I don't want to tell you not to employ these people--clearly they know a lot about beer and are probably otherwise excellent staffers. But maybe don't have the know-it-alls guide the brewery tours. Most people on those tours just like your beer and want to learn a little something about the process. Just because I've been on tours before doesn't mean I remember what wort is or how you need to boil the water and use a centrifuge to get the floaty bits out of the mixture in big stainless steel drums. I just want to enjoy the beer!

Anyway, it IS Schlafly's 20th anniversary -- next year you're legal! I hope that if I go back to STL and take the tour again, maybe I'll get a free t-shirt or something. Think about it, Schlafly. St. Louis is like my 2nd home. I want to love you guys!

suds series vol 4

Next up on our Suds Series: the ever important Brewery tour.

Yep, I'll admit it: I've been on the Budweiser Brewery Tour 3 times: the first time I traveled to St. Louis,  when my sister came to visit, and when my parents came to visit. It never gets old. The tour is your classic indoor-outdoor walking tour (all downhill! And then a trolley takes you back UP the hill!). You meet the Clydesdales, and sometimes the dalmatians. You see beautiful red-brick architecture, learn about how to make crappy beer, and ultimately, get to drink crappy beer for free. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase: "They couldn't pay me to drink that swill."

The best part about the brewery tour is how the tour guides really seem to love Budweiser. And I bet they do. Regardless, they're basically spewing beer propaganda, musing about how Budweiser is the greatest beer in all humanity, which I find really amusing. They take themselves a little too seriously at the Busch brewery.

The Miller Brewery tour, is a totally different animal. As I've said before, Michael went to Milwaukee without me on a baseball trip a few years ago. When he went on a brewery tour at Miller, the promotional video that they played before the start of the tour began with several shots of cavemen looking glum and bored. A voice-over narrator intoned: "From the Dawn of Time, Man has yearned for Miller Time." Instead of canned discussions of corporate responsibility and the number of fresh ingredients that go into each brew, the video had intentionally hilarious re-creations of the birth of Miller and flashbacks to the old Bob Uecker commercials from the 70s and 80s. That is how I want my beer company to act.  Not too seriously. They know they're not a great beer, but they know that they have a good thing going. Miller Time, baby. Miller Time.

But when Michael took me to Milwaukee to go on the Miller Brewery Tour, Miller had changed its tune. They talked about how they gave back to the community. They talked about how they're green. They talked about boring things like brewing beer. They did NOT talk about Miller Time. Nor did they show cavemen. I was very disappointed.

So how do we judge this? I WANT Miller to win this because in the very recent past, they didn't take their brewery tour so seriously. And honestly, if I hadn't gone to Milwaukee earlier this year, and was doing this Suds Series anyway, I would be basing my opinions on Michael's story about cavemen and Miller Time. And I want to be able to forgive some sins.

So Miller and Milwaukee, I am going to give this one to you. I hope that you'll bring back the cavemen. It will be good for your image. And it will give me a reason to go back to Milwaukee.

St. Louis: 2
Milwaukee: 2

Next up: microbrews!